It gets harder and harder to write my updates not so much because we have given up hope or our waiting upon the Lord. It is more because I need His wisdom and grace to know what He wants to say that will encourage each of you on in your personal journey with Him as you have persevered so long and hard with us through this difficult time.
For Siu Yin and myself, where we are at now is a quieter spirit of rest and waiting upon Him, learning to trust Him as our Father who loves us so much that He will never play with our fragile emotions . . . I know many of us are thinking that we might be just holding on in vain hope because it has been too long, and rationally speaking, I do agree. But somehow, God does not seem to be leading us to that closure. Siu Yin and I have already surrendered Yi Jien to the Lord much earlier, willingly to accept that he is dead and move on . . . but God seems to keep saying to wait and trust Him and He will save him. We could be discerning Him completely wrong, and if we do, then the onus of responsibility is mine, not the Lord's. That is actually my greatest fear, not whether Yi Jien is alive or not, but that I do not lead you all down the wrong path of false hope that comes from me and then cause each of you to stumble, and God's name to be dishonoured. So I am writing this with 'fear and trepidation' . . .
But I do believe that God has a larger purpose far beyond what we can 'know' with our physical senses . . and one is it is not just about your journey with us, but also your own journey with the Lord and all the 'marvellous deep things' He is forming and wants to hone in each of your life . . . some of which we might recognise now but others of which we will only see in the days to come, bearing much fruit to His glory.
Let me now just share with you what is happening with us.
In times like these, the Word of God becomes life for us . . . we learn to trust Him speaking through it because like Him, His Word never changes, and if we don't believe that, then we have nothing to hold onto. Before I slept last night, asking again for His assurance, I had two passages sent to me by two separate people: Psalm 30, and 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. 2 Corinthians reminded me again to fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. Psalm 30 talks about God delivering David from death. I was reminded of Psalm 16, one of my favourite psalms, and again it talks about deliverance from death. Already in the morning, my regular readings in the psalms was Psalm 143, with David asking God to hear his cries for mercy and to deliver him from death.
So again and again, God seems to encourage us to trust and hope, every day with enough mercies for the day. There are many more things that He has done to assure us . . and it is in looking and praying through all this, not just one thing but many, that we are still believing that He is holding out that hope to us . . and inviting us to rest in Him and wait. Siu Yin's word for today is 'shepherd' - and she is meditating on that and trusting in the Good shepherd to lead and guide her and Yi Jien.
We really really cannot humanly fathom what is happening and will happen, but we want to come to Him in simple faith, like children to a father, and place everything in His hands, including our desires, and say "Papa, You do it. We trust You." And that is what we have just told Him again this morning, that Papa, our desire is that You bring out Yi Jien alive . . and we leave that in His hands . . . and we thank Him and worship Him as we wait till He tells us otherwise.
May I leave us with this song 'I Will Sing' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUAz6HgNfnM&feature=related) and may the Lord minister to each of us through it.
Thank you again so very much . . may each of you know the blessing of the Father who loves us, Jesus our Friend and Saviour, and the Holy Spirit, our Comforter.
Love and hugs for all your love for us :-)
kim guat and siu yin